Game. Set. Match.

It's over. It's finally over. Four years of engineering can never go by quickly enough, and even after it was over, it took a bit of time to sink in. These four years have changed me, so much so that it is impossible to recognize the 18 year-old smart-ass who strolled into engineering four years ago, thinking that he was going to conquer the world. During these four years, I lost and then regained my faith in myself and everything around me, and it has been one hell of a ride. There was a time when my books seemed to have 'HazMat' plastered all over them..!! Professors were enemies, and results were hell. Fortunately, everything worked out, and I'm much better off as a result.

  Couldn't resist :-P

It is the smaller things that remind me everyday that I am a computer engineer.

When I go to gym (yes I do go to gym), I choose locker number 255.
I spend some time each day reading stuff about technology and now I actually understand what I read! Google is my new best friend...I'm really sounding like an engineer, aren't I??

But, I'm being unfair. The last four years have also been the most challenging and enjoyable of my life thus far. I've learnt a lot about myself, about people, and life in general. I've learnt that my family really believe in me, and that I should listen to them more. I've made some brilliant friends, most of whom will hopefully be my friends for life. We've had some great times, and I'll miss all of it - travelling together...going on trips together...the endless laughter, the occasional fights....and the never-ending support through times good and bad.

The people who made the last four years memorable...apologies to those still missing

However, as much as this post seems to be about the end of a wonderful part of my life, it is also about the beginning of a new one. Looking back is great. It's necessary too. But looking ahead is even more important. And I'll admit...I'm a bit afraid. Stepping out into the real world is not easy, and it's going to take me right out of my comfort zone. Out go the shorts, chappals and funky t-shirts. In come the full-sleeved shirts(i'm feeling hot already), the pants, and the formal shoes. Yep, teenager no more.

But change cannot be avoided. Our lives will change, I will change, we all will change. This blog will change. From now on it will be more personal, and I hope you will enjoy it as much. I have realized that I am not writing an opinion column in a newspaper and I should get more personal. Of course, those who know me well know that my opinion on anything and everything comes for free, and that will not change!

So, as I step cautiously into a new phase of my life, I would like to say Thank You to everybody who made the last four years an enjoyable experience - my family, friends, and even a few strangers.

Here's to change, and a new beginning.

It's time.

Invictus-ed

Recently, I watched the movie Invictus. It's about the beginning of Nelson Mandela's rule in South Africa and how he inspired the South African rugby team to World Cup glory. Morgan Freeman as Mandela is brilliant - so brilliant, in fact, that now when I think of Mandela, Morgan Freeman's face pops up in my head!

    Spot the difference...

So, in the movie, Mandela (Freeman) inspires South African rugby captain François Pienaar (Matt Damon) using a 19th century poem titled 'Invictus'. In reality, however, Mandela actually used an extract from a speech by former U.S. President Teddy Roosevelt titled 'The Man In The Arena'. Either way, South Africa went on to win the 1995 Rugby World Cup on home soil. It was Mandela's way of ensuring that even though he had come to power, the whites would not be ignored in his grand plan, because rugby was primarily a white man's sport back then.

Anyways, all that is academic. The movie is brilliant, but there's one big problem - after watching it, I feel insignificant. Watching a great actor portray an even greater man was wonderful, but this time it put my life in perspective. And the result was not flattering. The more I thought about what Mandela had achieved, the worse I felt about the life I live. I tried to console myself by considering the fact that I'm only 21 still, but the reality is: compared to Mandela, my future is that of a relative sinner. I shudder to think of his reaction to complaints about the 'little' things - an intolerable fellow human-being, tasteless food, or being denied something which is badly desired. I'm sure he could identify with each of the feelings - and many more - but he would just smile and move on to the more important things, because that's how he was - larger than life.

Yep...that's how small I feel...

There's a beautiful song in the movie - 'Colorblind' - by South African boy band Overtone. The lyrics refer to Mandela's 27-year stint in prison for leading the fight against apartheid in Africa. One para goes : 

Hear me say I'll rise up 'til the end
Hear me say that I'll stand beside my friends
I won't stay on the floor
I will settle the score
A stumble, I fall and I pray

I was astounded when I realised that Mandela's way of 'settling the score' was to forgive the very people who imprisoned him, against the wishes of his own people - those who fondly called him 'Madiba'. How can any person lose 27 years of his life to an injustice and still not be bitter? Most of us cannot forgive a slap. But he chose to rise above it all. He had no time to ponder over almost three decades spent in prison - he had to save his country after all. And not only did he save his country, he led them forward, and then even further forward, out from the darkness that had engulfed it for decades. He had vision, and a big, big heart, and he believed he could achieve anything.

It always seems impossible until it's done  - Nelson Mandela  

He is the reason South Africa are where they are today.

I can only dream of being the man he is, and even if I get halfway there I would have done a bloody good job.

I'll always be in awe...I'll always be Invictus-ed.

The Final Semester

1st Semester : Yess!! I'm going to be a computer engineer. In four years' time, my life WILL. BE. SORTED.!! (Oh..You poor deluded soul!!)

2nd Semester : Okay, so the course-ware is ancient and I have to learn chemistry even though I'm in computers. So what? I'm sure it'l be better next semester.... (See the signs buddy...see the signs...)

3rd Semester : How the hell am I supposed to LEARN computer programs?? I thought I was supposed to CREATE them!!! (Ahhh...Now the fog is clearing!)

4th Semester : WHAT THE F*** HAVE I GOTTEN MYSELF INTO?!!! (and voilà, we have.... 20/20 vision!)

5th Semester : F*** this... F*** that... F*** everything and everyone!! (somebody needs valium..!)

6th Semester : I will not give up. I will not back down. You can take my mind but you can't take my spirit. I will be there at the end. After all, The best way out is always through - Robert Frost. (the philosopher is born...)

7th Semester : One day in heaven, the Lord decided He would visit the earth and take a stroll. Walking down the road, He encountered a man who was crying. The Lord asked the man, "Why are you crying, my son?" The man said that he was blind and had never seen a sunset. The Lord touched the man who could then see and was happy.
As the Lord walked further, He met another man crying and asked, "Why are you crying, my son?" The man was born a cripple and was never able to walk. The Lord touched him and he could walk and he was happy.
Farther down the road, the Lord met another man who was crying and asked, "Why are you crying, my son?" The man said, "Lord, I am an engineer.", and the Lord sat down and cried with him.
(....and so is the comedian...and the photographer, the writer, the artist, the singer and the occasional terrorist!).

The Final Semester : ??

Yes, yes, I've stuck my boot into the system. And left it there. In my defence, I'm not entirely wrong. With a syllabus that dates back to the 15th century, and a governing body whose stance on freedom of expression is only a kilobyte(!) more liberal than that of the Chinese Government, I have a right to be upset. There is so much disillusionment and mood-swinging during the four years(four if you're lucky), it's almost menopausal!! So much form-filling, running from pillar to post without good reason, and catering to the whims and fancies of office workers whose lunch timings seem to be endless!

We have to learn computer programs(and a lot of other material), reproduce them during the exams like a xerox machine would, and then justify to prospective employers why we haven't really grasped anything in the four years. Perceive, puke, perceive, puke! Of course, there is the other option(which I took) - understand what you study, and score less - which usually results in there being no need to justify anything to prospective employers...because there aren't any! There is the fact that I didn't work hard, so a lot of the blame lies with me.

Personally, I have changed a lot during engineering - everybody has. The sense of humour is gone - no joke can be cracked without some technical term involved, especially double-meaning jokes using the words 'windows' and 'ram'.

But there are positives. I have made plenty of great friends. I have become more resilient. The movie '3 Idiots' is based on my life! And I have learnt to play a good game of carrom. There's always a silver lining!

So....we come to the end of a very long post....
The Final Semester : My life is NOWHERE. NEAR. SORTED. But I will be an engineer soon. Which means I can do anything, anywhere and I'll probably fit in somehow! I CAME, I SAW, and I WILL CONQUER...
(Ladies and gentlemen, please stand up and salute the indomitable spirit of the engineer.....)

IPL - Indian Patriots' League

The past two weeks have not been good for Indian sport. First, there was the pay-me-when-you-play-me hockey drama and then, the money-spinning gala that is the Indian Premier League. Both came together perfectly to prove to the rest of the world that, irrespective of the quantity of money in an Indian sport, there is no class. Rich - as in the case of the IPL, or poor - as in the case of Hockey India, it makes no difference.

Of course, the Indian hockey players were damn right to demand payment for their performances. Anybody who can play their heart out for their country despite being treated shabbily deserves credit. Still, that did not stop some officials from suggesting that money shouldn't matter - the 'pride' in playing for the country should be enough! The sheer stupidity of the statement astounds me - 'pride' doesn't pay for food, clothes, or decent accommodation, which are the bare necessities for any human being, let alone players representing the country. Sure, the timing of the protest may seem insensitive, but it was the only way they could get any attention. And it is a well-known fact that for a player to perform to his fullest, off-the-field issues have to be sorted so that the player can focus. Thankfully, after a lot of threatening and media barbs, common sense prevailed and the players did get some of their money, but the way the cheque was handed over - in front of dozens of cameramen - was as if it was a favour to the players. Like I said - no class!! Then there is the election issue - Hockey India has affiliation issues with some of the regional associations and until they are sorted out, the election is stalled. All this with the World Cup being hosted in Delhi less than a month away. Shame.

Just when people were pointing to cricket as an example of how sport should be run in this country, Lalit Modi and his comrades (read:franchise owners) decided that there was no way they would be outdone in the media by HOCKEY of all sports. The IPL(Indian Patriots League?) auction turned into a silent anti-Pakistani agenda, with no Pakistani player picked by any team, apparently due to doubts over their availability. Again, no class. At least we could have been given a decent excuse!! The Pakistani players were included in the auction after some teams had indicated that they would be picking them. The visa problem had been overcome, and since when has availability stopped players from being picked? The Mumbai Indians had Dwayne Bravo flown home mid-IPL by private charter so he could play a game extra - he won them that game. So the problem is clearly something else. If it is Government pressure, then it is sad that the franchise owners have given in, because this will just be the beginning. The other explanation could be that the owners feared a negative reaction to the Pakistani players' selection after the 26/11 attacks. Still, one would expect someone of the stature of Vijay Mallya to rise above the cowardice. His team could have done with Afridi. And after all, it wasn't a gun-toting Afridi who killed people on 26/11, so why should he bear the brunt?  

Sport should be shielded from political issues, because it is what unites us. Once that last bridge is burnt, there is usually no way back. I hope the IPL changes its mind and allows the Pakistani players to join teams, because the tournament will be much the better with some of them playing.

F E A R

You’re sh-sh-shaking, feeling cold yet sweating at the same time. Your heart is beating at twice its normal rate. A myriad of horrific thoughts penetrate your mind, not allowing you to think straight. All you know is that somehow, you have to find a way to be safe. You are scared.

Everyone feels fear, albeit not always in the way described. Some fear heights, others fear looking fat! Yet more people fear cockroaches, a low exam score, food poisoning, the boss, terrorists, failure, being cheated, change, an unfulfilled life, and most of all, death.

Fear. That awesome, all-pervading emotion which resides in us, which humbles us, makes us human. It keeps us living on the edge, afraid of what might happen next. The dustbin you throw your garbage into, may explode. Some maniac might fly an airplane into your workplace. The stock market may crash. You may contract swine-flu. Even simpler,  your boss may fire you, your girlfriend/boyfriend may ask for a commitment, you could get bitten by a stray dog, a eunuch may curse you for refusing to part with a tenner!

Afraid? Feel like you’re walking around in the open with a big, round, impossible-to-miss target painted on your back?? Be brave. Don’t take cover. Fight back.

Fear inspires us in an almost perverse manner to do things we never thought we would, or could. A person provoked by fear is capable of anything. Would you kill if you felt your life was in danger? Would you lose a friend for a job which would give greater ‘security’? Would you trample all over somebody weaker to slip out of a dicey situation? Would you sign a pre-nuptial agreement to ensure that if the marriage does go wrong, you’re still ‘safe’?
No?

It is in the face of fear that we get to know what we are really made of. Do we only talk big, or can we step up and act when the situation demands it? Our lives are shaped by how we respond to our fears. We can feel sorry for ourselves, run in the opposite direction with our tails between our legs and ‘secure’ ourselves first when we see potential for trouble. We can believe every terrorist, every politician and every other fear monger and let them rule our lives. Or we can decide to show some mettle and at least face our fears, if not conquer them. Sure, we should be a little afraid. Fear is a part of our way of life, a major motivating factor. But it shouldn’t be a constant distraction. We shouldn’t avoid walking past a dustbin just because it may explode. We shouldn’t sit at home every time there is a bandh in the city. We should take career risks, even though there is a chance of failure. We should visit Afghanist… naah, that would be crossing the line between being fearless and being foolish!

My First Post

I don't really know what to start off with.... so I am posting an article which I wrote for my college magazine... It's my take on FEAR......